I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
