Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
