I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
