I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
