worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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