The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
