I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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