People in love make me want to vomit
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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