:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
