can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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