I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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