I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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