dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
