This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
