hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
