Everything about him screamed your future.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
