I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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