How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
