mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
