She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
