You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
