shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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