I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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