I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
