all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
