My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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