He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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