Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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