It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
