Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
