How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
