What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
