I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I just sharted jello shots
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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