i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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