It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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