so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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