When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
