We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
