first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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