Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
