Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
