Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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