...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize