Who wears a wallet chain?!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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