Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
