i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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