Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
