You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
