If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.