My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.