i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can i not drive my cunt home
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.