I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.