since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green