He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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