I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
