i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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