Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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