so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
