I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
