omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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