You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
