But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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