Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My life is pants optional.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
