that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
