So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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