yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course