As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did