This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here