HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.