These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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