how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
