So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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