the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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