I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize