she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.