i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.