i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.