You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My ATM looks so different sober.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
