I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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