You really coming over, don't trick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
