I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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