I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
