im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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