My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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