ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
