At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
