My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
