I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize