so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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