Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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