there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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