Do you still have your period?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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