her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
