I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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