i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
