those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
