i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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