I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
